The thing about expectations
I am sitting here at my desk, in front of my computer, and I am now taking you into the illusory world of expectations, how they can drive you crazy, depress you, and that letting go of expectations does not mean giving up or not acting at all, but ultimately leads you to peace, tranquility, and freedom.
Let's get started, and don't forget to take a deep breath every now and then, because our ego almost always stirs and wants to fight and argue when we get to the topic of expectations.
Expectations
Expectations are perfectly normal. Completely normal for us humans, and highly individual, because we have different ideas about what, what, or who should be like for things to be "good" for us. My expectations of how a partnership should be, for example, will certainly differ in many ways from yours. So it's no wonder that as soon as we come into contact with another person, the game of expectations begins. Sometimes things go smoothly because we're a good match, and quite often they don't, because we have different expectations that we want fulfilled. And then we're thrown out of our blissful, happy existence, and the "struggle" begins. By "struggle," I mean that we're not at peace. This can manifest in many ways: we feel sad, frustrated, annoyed, angry, hopeless. All of this can be perfectly summed up in the word "disappointed."
But let's break it down in more detail. This is important. Because ultimately, we want to feel good in our own lives. We want to be at peace and happy.
What do we expect?
We constantly expect something. Pay attention to yourself throughout the day and see what you expect. I mean it, do it. It's truly fascinating how much we expect and from whom we expect things, often without even realizing it. Bringing it into conscious awareness is an important step towards letting go of expectations.
So we wake up and perhaps expect "good weather." We expect our partner to say "Good morning" to us lovingly and kindly. We expect the coffee machine to work and the coffee to be good. We expect fewer pounds on the scale because we're eating less. We expect our children to be friendly. We expect the pets to be cute and cuddly. We expect praise for our appearance, our work, our being, and so on. Or perhaps we expect the opposite: that our partner will be grumpy, the animals will be annoying, nothing will work, the job will be a drag, it will rain, and so on. We can extend our expectations in both directions—constructively or destructively.
And I do that, you, your partner, the children, the parents, the colleagues, the friends… everyone… every single person goes through life every single day with thousands of expectations, and very often it affects you… not just your own expectations, but also the expectations of others about how you should be. That's quite a heavy burden that we carry around with us day in and day out, often very unconsciously, and it can very quickly make life incredibly difficult. Why? Follow me…
Why do we expect this?
This question isn't so easy to answer, and it's a good one: Why do we have expectations? And now brace yourself: Because we've been conditioned to them! From a very young age… Silly, isn't it? Expectations aren't part of our being. They aren't a fundamental need of the soul, like the search for and discovery of states of being, such as "I am love," "I am peace," and so on. Expectations are man-made. They're a construct that ultimately confines us. The invitation is indeed to leave this cage. Whether you break it open or calmly stroll out, that's up to you.
And is there already a sense of dissent? Expectations are based on, or develop from, three major areas: beliefs, patterns, and programming. (If you'd like to delve deeper into this, I recommend my soul training program "Being." ) We are not free in what we expect. Let's take the area of "relationships"—we expect "true love," we expect "a fairytale ending"—we expect a thousand things. Perhaps we also expect things to be different for us than they were for our parents, and we find ourselves in the same chaotic relationship. Why? Because we're programmed that way. Hollywood sells us on how relationships should be, how sex should be, how friendship should be. Social media sells us on how we should look, how we have to be in order to be successful. Every minute, someone is trying to sell you on how something should be. We adjust our expectations accordingly.
Let's take beliefs... you can choose your favorite belief or just follow along. The belief is "only thin people are successful." You might immediately say "nonsense." Certainly... but beliefs are beliefs, they are deeply ingrained and create our actions and expectations, and therefore can't simply be erased. You wouldn't believe how many people are trapped in this belief – the weight-loss industry is one of the largest worldwide – by the way, if you work as a coach or therapist... these are crucial points. So, this statement creates the following two expectations: "Only if I am thin can I be successful!" and the second expectation, "If I am fat, I will not be successful!" From this, behavioral patterns develop that catapult us 100% into a mental prison. We expect that we will lose weight if we change our eating habits. We expect that no one will love us as long as we are fat. We expect that everyone will find us ugly. At the same time, we expect to be loved just as we are. We expect acceptance, yet we don't accept ourselves. A paradox, as is almost always the case with expectations. And now the programming comes into play. Slim, successful people are everywhere—on social media, in our TV shows and movies. This is where the law of resonance comes into play. Our attention is drawn to what we're experiencing, and we very often manipulate ourselves to confirm our own expectations.
This example, and you can replace it with whatever seems more fitting, illustrates the constant double game. The expectations we have of ourselves, but also the expectations we have of others. We expect our partner to love us regardless of how we look or behave. But our partner might also have expectations. Perhaps even that we are slim and successful, to stick with our example. And suddenly, we're no longer in love, but in a game of unmet expectations. And let me tell you something: these aren't happy relationships. And here, too, resistance immediately arises, right? A "Yes, but" follows, and then "...my partner should be this way or that way, not like this or that!" Why? So that you feel better?!? Is your partner there so that you feel better? I know that sounds harsh. The expectations we have of other people are often immense. We expect our children to graduate from school, to learn something worthwhile, to get their lives together, yet we can't even manage our own. Why do we do that? Why do we expect our partner to play video games less, drink less alcohol, hang out with friends less, do less of this or that? Why do we expect that? This isn't about your partner—it's always about you. Because we have expectations.
And now for the next bombshell, which isn't so easy to swallow: Expectations are always and exclusively selfish. It's not about the other person – even if we like to cloak it in that guise – it's about you. Expectations are always a game of ego.
You expect other people to be friendly, after all, you are friendly yourself. Yes, but they obviously don't always have good days to be friendly. Or they simply don't want to be. Ultimately, it doesn't matter why they are the way they are.
And in this ego game comes the big, let's call it the "frustrator": disappointment.
disappointment
When our expectations aren't met, whether by ourselves (great, I've lost weight and I'm successful!) or by our partner (finally, he's only spending time with me!) or other people (everyone's so friendly today!), disappointment sets in. And yes, let's be honest, being disappointed is a really awful feeling. It drags you down, it frustrates you (hence the term "frustrator"), it can make you feel hopeless, and you get the feeling of wanting to give up, of being a loser. But also the feeling that you're not loved if others don't meet your expectations. That no one sees or notices you, that it doesn't even matter whether you exist or not. Yes, disappointment can be quite the drama queen or drama king, even to the point where you feel like everything is pointless anyway.
And instead of letting go of expectations, often the exact opposite happens: we tighten the screws even further to meet expectations. We start fighting, either against ourselves because we haven't met our own expectations, or against other people who haven't met our expectations. And before you know it, you're caught in a constant battle of wills.
And now what?
The big question is: "Does the soul have expectations?" And as always in matters of the soul, I can only offer you my truth here as a suggestion, with the invitation to find and live your own truth. My truth is: "No, the soul has no expectations!" Expectations are a pure ego game, and as always, it's about seizing life from our soul's being, which also means, among other things, letting go of expectations more and more.
I'd like to illustrate this with a small example. As you know, I sail, fulfilling a lifelong dream. Sailing teaches me so much about my soul and allows me to recognize so many important things. Our human body is the sailboat, and I, as the soul, board this boat; I, as the soul, am the skipper. I have a plan, a destination I want to steer towards, and to reach and experience this destination, I need this boat. But still, I, as the soul, steer the boat. Every day, every hour, the sea is different, the wind is different, the sky and the sun are different. I, as the soul, learn about these conditions, learn to surrender to the elements, learn how to steer my boat/body through these elements to get closer to my goal. But it's not the destination that ultimately counts, but every moment on my boat, every moment in which I connect with the elements to continue my journey. Sometimes the wind blows me in the direction I've set my course and I pick up speed. Sometimes it comes from the other direction and I have to learn not to drift, not to lose sight of my path and my destination. Sometimes there's a calm and we come to a standstill; those are the moments when I can breathe, find peace, reflect on my goal, reflect on myself. Before the wind picks up again and I sail on. That's life.
And it makes absolutely no sense to have expectations here. The wind blows as it blows, the waves and the sea flow as they do. It's up to me to work on myself to become the best captain I can be, to master the challenges of my voyage (my incarnation) together with the boat. It makes no sense to expect others to jump onto my boat, take the helm, and sail for me because I don't want the responsibility. It makes no sense to expect the others sailing alongside me to constantly cheer me on about how well I sail. Why should they? It also makes no sense to wait for others to tell me how beautiful my boat is. What good does that do me? What's important is that I learn to sail the boat I've chosen for this voyage/life. Learn to accept its strengths and weaknesses so I can always make the most of them for my journey. And I will never forget that this is my boat, my crossing, my life's adventure – it belongs only to me.
Every soul has its own boat. Sometimes we sail on the same course with other souls, sometimes we tack, sometimes we collide, sometimes we drift far apart, sometimes we are very close together—but every soul has its own boat, and every soul tries its best to steer its boat through the sea of incarnations to its own uniquely chosen destination. Along the way, we can inspire each other, we can help and support each other, but ultimately, it always remains your journey. We get to choose with whom we want to travel, how long we want to travel together, how close we want to be or how far apart. Sometimes the waves carry us together, sometimes they pull us apart. We don't have to be in sync, the same, or have the same goal every single moment.
Free from expectations
That is the true mastery – to be free from expectations. It's a process of development. Many years ago, I wrote articles expecting that many would read them, that many would subscribe to my email list, and of course, that many would buy my sprays and courses. That's how the ego works. Sometimes expectations were met, sometimes not. When they were met, life was beautiful and everything was easy – when they were disappointed, everything was questioned, doubted, and one would most like to give up.
Those days are over. I write when I feel like writing. I make it available, and even if it sounds harsh at first, it doesn't matter to me whether you've read this far or not. Whether you resonate with it or not. Whether you feel like buying a spray or not. This doesn't mean that I'm indifferent to YOU, but rather that, from my perspective, YOU are always free. Free to decide what's right for you right now. The gift of freedom is perhaps the greatest gift one can give.
It's about me, and it's about you. Buy a spray if you feel it's exactly what you need right now. I'm just putting it out there without any expectations. Take what suits you, and if nothing does, then don't. What's wrong with that? There's no need for expectations here. There's only being in the moment. Think differently than I do, that's okay. I have no expectations of you, but I won't fulfill your expectations either, no matter how many you have.
When we no longer have expectations of ourselves or others, we release the pressure and set our souls free. Free to find ourselves, free to choose where our journey will lead. Free to learn how we want to steer our boat through life. Only here can we truly perceive one another—beyond all expectations. Only here does the phrase "I see YOU!" acquire its true meaning.
Then we no longer need anyone else to confirm that we are good, that we are right, that we are lovable, that our path is the right one, and that our goal is worthwhile. Incidentally, this is the moment when miracles become possible. When things can happen that shatter our expectations because they lie beyond our conceptions, beyond our expectations.
You are not here to fulfill expectations, nor to place expectations on others. Others are not here to fulfill your expectations. No one. Not a single soul. You are here to experience yourself in every moment as a traveling soul, creating, drawing, and shaping. Everything is possible for every single soul.
I wish you from the bottom of my heart many wonderful miracles.
From soul to soul, your Jennifer
PS Due to numerous inquiries about which spray is best for working on this topic, I recommend either "Pleiades," because here we focus more on our own soul plan, or "Power," because here we concentrate on creating our own life realm.