The self-love thing
Like so many soul development fields, the soul development field self-love is an almost inflationary term. You read everywhere that you have to love yourself. But what exactly does that mean. What is self love?
When you ask people: What do you love about yourself? Most often the first thing that comes up is a “physical” response. The "you" is taken physically, sometimes also in character. "I love my eyes!" or "I love my dimples when I smile!" (physical responses). Characteristic answers are then more like: "I love my loyalty!" or "I love my honesty!"
Although many find it much easier to tell us what they do NOT love about themselves than what they love, and here too we are usually very physical: "I hate my legs!" or "I hate being overweight!" etc. The list can be extended as desired.
BUT: as long as we try to grasp self-love on a physical or character level, we will only scratch the surface of self-love. True self love is soul love.
Yes, I love myself. Certainly not yet to the full depth that is possible, but I do on a soul level. And yes, I admit it: the road to get there was hard and long. How many times have I hated myself, my body, my being, my life and the things and people that were in it.
This made my life extremely hard for many years, I was unbalanced, frustrated, aggressive and, to be honest, simply unpredictable in my emotions.
My own specifications as to when I was actually worth being loved were big - and of course long body-hugging or external: I can only love myself if I'm wearing size 38 or weigh 62 kilos. My body became my opponent that I tried to fight every day.
The world collapsed when I couldn't fit into a size 38 pair of pants in a booth at H&M. I hated myself in moments like this. And there are many such points to which we tie our self-love: I love myself when I earn 3000 euros a month. I love myself when I am like this and have this and that. And what was the end of the song: I always and constantly hated myself.
Even when I had achieved my goals: being slim, earning money, etc. I still wasn't in love with myself. It took me three heavy blows of fate to do this and three times it was the death of loved ones: first the death of my beloved grandmother and eight weeks earlier the death of my beloved second son as a baby.
These events knocked me down and made me walk a path of shadows that has lasted seven years. At the end of this path was the death of my beloved father. Death brought me back to life and the struggle with life and with myself finally gradually stopped.
But I invite you: make it easier for you than me. It's easy... it doesn't have to be the big twists of fate to make us realize that life is about so much more than how fat or thin you are, how much money you make, how many admirers you have. To realize that the outside doesn't bring you the hoped-for self-love inside.
Not your partner, not your parents - the fulfillment comes from within and then carries you through your life. I know it always sounds so complicated and abstract. It's not an on and off switch that we simply press and hey presto you either love each other or you don't. So how do we connect to our self-love? How do we get that feeling?
By stopping hoping that someone or anything outside will bring us that self-love. By stopping thinking that we have to have this or that in order to love ourselves.
No: you can make the decision to love yourself from now on in every second of your life. Then why not now? (and I'll tell you a secret: when I was really slim I didn't love myself all at once, not even when I made a lot of money - that all didn't activate love in me) It's a step of self-acceptance and of Knowing that life and the fulfillment of your lifetime are in your hands.
Self-love asks nothing of you: nothing you need to be, nothing you need to have - it is always within you - hidden and waiting for you to grasp it. She is always there.
Self-love encompasses you completely: body, mind and soul. On all levels. The soul works with the other two to fulfill its soul plan here on earth. Look at yourself now: just as you are now - no matter how (fat, thin, healthy, sick, in love or not, lonely or as a couple, successful or not) - you are lovable, in your very own way. Everything about you tells your life story, tells your life path.
Your body and mind are like a soul diary of your current life: my pounds tell the story of my loss of loved ones and how I found my way back to life, my gray hair tells how fleeting my life is and that it will increase when I have to face the wind and withstood the storm as a lighthouse, they tell me that I've made it, that I'm strong, that I'm courageous in standing up for my truth.
My wrinkles tell me that I've laughed, cried, been angry, been hurt. My little finger in my left hand, which hurts from time to time, reminds me to take care of things, both real and mental. Everything works so well together. The more soul insights you gain, the more sense it all makes, the more humbled you can be about yourself and the game as a whole: and that really is worth every impulse of love.
We don't have to wait and hope that someday the others out there will realize that we're lovable. No, we are allowed to recognize it for ourselves.
In order to get there, it often first requires the solution of common ideas of what is lovable and what is not. But clearly: who decides whether you and your life are worth being loved or not? ONLY YOU! No one else. Others are welcome to have their opinions about you too. But our love for ourselves should not depend on that
Self-love is almost like the axle on which all other soul development fields hang and around which everything constantly revolves. It permeates everything, it influences everything. Self-love is the power that brings peace.
If you look around, you can already see that self-love is a very big human issue. In self-love you stop destroying, destroying your own creation and the creation of others. Much war on earth, many refugees, many sufferers are good indicators that show that self-love is not in the best of shape and that it is our turn to master this task.
And how do you master this task? As always, you start with yourself: find your self-love and radiate this being into the world. Soul development fields are paths that we tread. Rarely that redemption from zero to hundred is there. We steadily climb the path, collecting stones of knowledge along the way that help us to see ourselves, to develop ourselves, to understand ourselves better and better, and ultimately to forgive and love ourselves. Everything starts with us, ends with us.
The Self is the key to transforming one's own life and global life. The internal struggles can be resolved, and then the external struggles will also be resolved. The hunger inside can be satisfied, then we no longer need a starving mirror outside. Love wants to be found inside, then hate and war outside can finally find peace and construction can take place. Every step that you consciously take for this is a blessed step.
It is in your hands, in your very own creative power. We forget that so often: everything is in our hands - our own life, the shaping of our own life, our feelings, our potential, our creation - everything in our hands. We no longer need to wait for the radiant prince to come riding his white horse to take responsibility for our lives from us. We don't have to wait for the Good Mother to come and finally give us unconditional love.
Yes I know...sometimes when life feels hard and difficult it would be so nice to have someone to take responsibility for us, to take some of the burdens we carry on ourselves. With every little bit of someone else being responsible for you, you become dependent. Love does not thrive on dependency, it thrives on freedom.
It blossoms within you to radiate out into the world from within. Self-love invites you to take good care of yourself, to take care of yourself, to spoil yourself. She invites you to live a full life allowing yourself to dare to reach for the stars for a bright, fulfilling life. Her invitation is always, at all times - you decide when you are ready to drop the dark thoughts, the frustrating feelings, the lethargy of a hamster wheel life and turn to this love. To accept your invitation, which is unconditional.
Isn't that great? Unconditionally. Just be and know that it's a good thing?
You make your life so incredibly much easier when you stop fighting for love and thinking that you always have to do something for it, be something, achieve something, represent something extraordinary. No, it's enough that you are you. There is a soul quality within you that always has its arms open to receive and envelop you in this love. Always believing in you, always seeing your potential, always seeing your magnificence. What a pity for every moment of life that we do not encounter with this self-love.
I'll give you a small - yes, almost harmless-seeming exercise - that can connect us more and more with self-love: I invite you, take the time (and if it's only 1 minute of your 1440 minutes, the you have available per day is what you take only for yourself): close your eyes- breathe in and out - as it flows now and then think "I am love" (you can also say it out loud - try with what you feel good - feel free to switch - you can also sing it, write it down or whatever) - "I am love" and now imagine this phrase radiating into your whole body, it can happen all at once or step by step - "I am love" - now imagine you are completely enveloped in this energy, it is within you, it is enveloping you and now you feel (and think) "I am love" - feel like this sentence feels in you and around you.
"I am love" - that's all you need to do in this exercise, so please don't plan, don't think about everything you have to do now for this love... there is nothing to do except think this "I am love" and to feel. Just like that, unconditionally in the moment. One minute is enough (yes, it can be more - it can also be several times a day when you feel that you are falling out of your own love or before you go into situations that you already know are self -Love could get hard e.g. meeting family, meeting boss, meeting demanding partner). 1 minute of self-love a day for you and the transformation to a fulfilled life.
I wish you from the bottom of my heart that you find the courage and strength to accept your invitation to love yourself. It changes your world, it changes the world outside.
I bow to the path you are walking - whatever it may be.
With love, your Jennifer