You don't need excuses (excuses) to do or not do something
1 tip on the self-liberation path - truthfulness
Hello beloved soul rushing friends,
After two weeks of intensive individual coaching, I feel the need to dive into the process of self-liberation with you. So many of my clients are having this exact issue right now: they feel like they have no air to breathe, they feel constricted, they feel trapped, they are stuck, they are fighting windmills and they long so badly for that Feeling free - so let's take the first steps on this path together.
We can learn to feel free, to feel independent, even to feel responsible for ourselves and our lives. On the path of liberation it is essential that we start standing by ourselves, by our true needs, by what we need to feel fulfilled, to feel good, to draw good energies into our lives.
The first step we are now taking is that of truthfulness. It all starts with this: you can always, in every moment, be true to yourself. And you can stand by this truthfulness without having to apologize and without inventing excuses.
What do I mean?
Actually, when we were children, we all still had this truthfulness in us. And do you know how she showed herself? In a single word: THIS!
"Why aren't you your beans?" - "That's why!"
"Why don't you want to play with the neighborhood kids?" - "That's why!"
"Why don't you want to go to school?" - "That's why!"
And: how well did you get through with the "Therefore!"? Very few adults accept a “therefore”, right? Then comes a "That's no justification!", "That's not a statement or sentence!", Also like "That's not enough for me as an explanation!"
But it's enough. Actually. But what do we learn as a child? That our feeling of why we want to do something or not do something is not enough. We have to justify it, we have to explain it, even if we don't have an explanation for it, but "only" a feeling. So, for the love of adults, we often start to find excuses, explanations or excuses out of compulsion.
Often honestly, we try to explain why we don't want something: "The beans don't taste good!" - "The neighborhood kids are weird!" - "School is boring" - so we do what is asked of us and what happens then? Then the parents come and we like to say sentences like: "Don't be so rude!" - "Be glad that you have it at all: that you can go to school, that you have something to eat, that you have someone to play with etc.” – again our feelings and our explanation for them are “put down”.
Then, to survive in this game, we start to think of a new strategy: apologize and make excuses.
We don't want to eat the beans because we always get really bad stomach cramps afterwards (which is an excuse at first, but if we've said it often enough, it can eventually become our truth) - we can't go to school today because we have a really bad headache and we can't play with the neighbors' children today because we still have a lot of homework to do etc. - we maneuver through our lives with it and stick to this survival strategy, even as adults.
Attention: I personally consider it essential as an adult on the path to enlightenment to keep looking at myself why I might not want to do something, because there is a lot of potential for knowledge here. Why don't I want to go to my best friend's party? Why don't I want to go to work on Monday? Why do I not want to have sex with my partner? Etc. It is important to look here.
BUT: If we have the feeling that we don't want it - then we can stand by this feeling. Simply that way. Without finding an apology or an excuse for it. We don't have to pretend to the girlfriend that we have too much to do, that the boyfriend has a headache, etc.
We can say: It doesn't feel right to me right now - yes, we can also use white lies, because an employer would rarely accept this statement (we're back in the child/adult relationship here) - but it's important: that we recognize that we're using a white lie right now and then taking the time to be truthful to ourselves: Why am I using a white lie. Why is the "event" so horrible (like going to work on Mondays) that I have to use a white lie to escape.
Truthfulness invites us to perceive ourselves and our feelings, to stand by them, and if they are not good for us, to make new decisions, to walk new paths, until we feel good. And yes, we can.
We always think too quickly, we can only make a new decision once and then it has to be the right thing. And again I like to take the example of a life buffet: imagine you go to an all-you-can-eat buffet and you are only allowed to choose once - how stupid that would be. Of course you will fill your plate more often and above all from Take what tastes really good to you and don't keep refilling something that makes you sick. That would be crazy, right?
Why do we keep doing this when it comes to much more important decisions in our lives. Why do we think that we should always know immediately what we want to do to earn our money? Need to know where we want to live? Need to know what hobbies we want to do?
We can try it out. Life's buffet is full of choices - we don't need to do the same thing for thirty years if it's not good for us, just because behind it lies a twisted social thought construction that says you can only choose once and then it has to last forever: marriage , the training that leads to a job, the friendships, the apartment, etc.
Life is change, just as our tastes change, so do our needs and we can truly stand by them more and more without excuses, without having to apologize for it.
A "Therefore!" is a complete response. And then we're allowed to face that why in our own way, to find out why. Why we don't want to do something and what we would rather do instead. Yes, and then it can make sense to communicate honestly with the people in our lives in order to find solutions to our "discomfort". In other words, if I don't like meeting up with my girlfriend, then it makes more sense to find out about it and communicate it honestly than to keep coming up with new excuses.
If I don't like having sex with my partner, the same. Even if I don't like going to my parents'. That doesn't mean the other side always understands why we're struggling. Nor does it mean that they have to do what we would like them to do to change the situation. But it does mean that you begin to be truly true to yourself and your needs - an incredibly important step in the process of self-liberation.
We are free – and we keep forgetting it. We're not trapped: you can reapply if you don't like your job. You are allowed to enter into new relationships if you are suffering in your current ones. You can break off contact with people if the encounters aren't good for you - you can move on if you don't like where you are now. But you can also address it: with your partner, your friends, your children, in order to walk a path of change together. We don't always have to cancel everything.
Imagine this situation: your girlfriend wants to meet you - you feel you don't want to and cancel because you are "allegedly" ill - you investigate and realize for yourself: you don't want to meet your girlfriend , because it's always so exhausting, always takes center stage and you can't find any space for yourself and your topics.
This situation will not change if we don't talk honestly here, but always cancel with apologies. Perhaps the friendship won't last if we address it, but without addressing it, it's already gone. And so you can apply it to all people and situations in your life.
You don't need any excuses for this - no illnesses, no lies, no excuses, no nice talking - you are free - you can feel the way you feel and you can perceive yourself and your feelings, take them seriously and follow them. You can always question yourself in order to recognize yourself in these processes and to understand yourself - but you don't have to contort yourself for anyone.
You can contort yourself, you can also use excuses, find excuses, etc. BUT: in the process of self-liberation it is important that you recognize what you are doing. Otherwise there is a risk that you will remain trapped in your self-built hamster wheel.
Freedom is a state of being. We are free, yes, and we can feel free too. But we are - always - it is up to us whether we apply and use this freedom. If we don't feel free and we don't feel good about it, then we can see what we can change to feel free. Where we are allowed to see through excuses, excuses, beautiful speeches, hiding, etc. in order to truly perceive ourselves.
Yes, as always, it's a process. A path of self-discovery. And you know what: it can be fun to discover yourself here. Immerse yourself in your own emotional world like an adventurer in order to find and recognize yourself there.
Soul work can be fun - it can be exciting - we can allow ourselves to choose again and again, to discover ourselves, to try things out, to get to know ourselves.
This is what is meant when we talk about becoming great: we are allowed to find ourselves and we do that through experiences, the power of our decisions, following the flow of our feelings and choosing more and more good feelings and good experiences in our lives to pick and learn from the "bad" ones and to recognize ourselves.
Soul work can be great - because that is what we are: soul - in the process of recognizing yourself, experiencing yourself, creating, creating in order to lead a great life.
It's great that you dived into this big topic with me today.
If you want to delve more into the soul work, I look forward to welcoming you to our trusted online academy or maybe you would like to try one of our wonderful soul sprays to immerse yourself more in the wisdom of the soul.
Let's make our lives colorful and wonderful together. Don't forget: you are free to be who you want to be and to choose again and again which of your expressions you want to experience now. The world is at your feet. Make something out of it or not - your free decision.
Love, your Jennifer
